Before we go much further, Congratulations! You made it to the 400 level classes!
Now we are getting to the advanced levels!
After you read this section, you will be ready for your practicum. In the next section, I will be providing you with a worksheet. It will be everything you need to start living in Femdomville. Before we get to that level, there are still some important lessons you need to learn before you are ready for that.
Mix Love With Hate!
If there is something you know your husband LOVES, give it to him, with something he HATES! For example, by now you should know my husband has a pee fetish. He LOVES my pee! What you don’t know is, my husband HATES pickles. He will almost gag if McDonald’s accidentally puts a pickle on his cheeseburger. This is VERY valuable information for me!
One day he called and asked me what I wanted for lunch. I told him I wasn’t real hungry and we could share something. I told him to stop by Panera Bread and get a large bowl of Broccoli Cheddar Soup and a couple of pieces of French bread. He doesn’t care that much for Broccoli Cheddar Soup, so I’m sure he was a little disappointed with my selection, but in Femdomville, he eats what I tell him. When he got home he was removing it all out of the bag, and putting it on the table, when he noticed I had a pile of cut up pickles on the cutting board. He asked, “what’s that for?” I told him, “for your soup,” and he had a confused look on his face. I grabbed a mixing bowl and told him to follow me to the bathroom. I had him kneel and hold the bowl, while I filled it with pee. I then told him to bring it to the kitchen.
I dumped all the cut-up pickles into the pee, and because I’m so benevolent, I put a little oregano into it for “flavoring.” I told him to go grab himself a spoon and then to hand me my bowl of Broccoli Cheddar soup! I handed him a loaf of the French Bread and said, “it’s really good if you dip it in your soup, so I want to see you dip it in before every bite!” The brain can’t process this! The look on his face was spectacular! And as you know by now, I made him finish every drop. Mix a LOVE with a HATE. This is an easy way to “spice it up!”
Sweetheart, Do you want to move to England?
Years ago my husband received a substantial promotion that required us to move our family to the United Kingdom for three years. While there we would go to various Femdom events. (Femdom is mainstream in Europe and Female Led Relationships are not even hidden. Europeans are way more open about their sexuality than us prudish Americans) One thing I learned while living there is British women keep their husbands in line!
At one of those events I met the most unbelievable Domme, and we hit it off instantly! She is almost twenty years younger than me and might be the most skilled Domme I have ever met. It goes to show you that a “kid” in her thirties can teach an “old dog” like myself, new tricks.
I briefly mentioned Sarah in the first part of this blog when I talked about the Prince Albert piercing. Sarah has been a Professional Dominatrix for 13 years. She works full time at one of the most respected BDSM Dungeons in Europe. She is “scary” good at being a Domme! She makes me look like an amateur.
She and her husband Chris have been married for just over seven years. During Covid, when she wasn’t allowed to work, she started an OnlyFans account as a way to “get by” during the lockdown. Her OnlyFans account is really simple. She basically just sets up a camera and video tapes her everyday dynamics inside her house. It has proven to be VERY successful.
After the lockdown ended, she had “thousands” of subscribers. So many in fact, she made her husband quit his job. Chris is now a full time “bitch,” working for her at the Dungeon and at home. He also does the editing of all her videos.
Before we go much further I want you to understand that Sarah and Chris are at the far other end of the Female Led Relationship spectrum. She is a PROFESSIONAL, FULL TIME DOMME! She goes to work every day and does THIS for a living! Chris doesn’t have a job. His only job is to do the things she tells him. Sarah and Chris don’t have kids, and no one lives with them. You and I are not them! (I may get close to being like them once my husband retires!)
Sarah agreed to let me share a few of her videos on my blog as, “Domme Training” however she wanted to make sure the women reading it knew the following details. This is the email she sent me to post: (She is British so some of the spelling is different)
Everything you see in my videos is real and it’s how Chris and I live every day. I was a Domme at home long before I became a Pro Domme, so It’s important for you to understand the there is a little bit of “Hollywood” taking place in these videos. I don’t “dress up sexy” for Chris. The PVC outfits and leather pants are for OnlyFans viewers, not my husband. I am trying to cater to men who find it sexy, and if I’m being honest, I’m trying to make more money!
99% of the time I wear baggy sweatpants and a sweater. Secondly, the masks and hoods you see the two of us wearing are only when the cameras are rolling. I don’t want you to think I’m putting on all these props to flog him! My mum knows what I do for a living, but I don’t want her and my neighbours to recognize me on OnlyFans! When I come home from a long day of “kicking men in the nuts,” I want to sit down and relax in my jammies. If I must pick up a whip to beat Chris, I can assure you he will wish it never happened!
Inevitably after people read my Twitter or OnlyFans page, I get the same questions. How are you, “so cruel to him” or “that’s abusive” or “how do you never allow him to have sex with you” or “how can you keep his pecker locked up for a full year.” The answer is easy, because Chris want’s it! For that matter I think I could turn almost any man into a slave if you give me some time! Men are easy.
It’s a little more complicated than I’m going to make it sound, since Chris and I are married, but he could leave me if he wasn’t happy. I was already working as a Dominatrix when we met, and we dated for two years with him being my full-time slave during that time. I told him exactly the way his life would look like if he married me! I told him to, “make sure he knew what he was signing up for.” I told him he would never have sex with me, because I find vanilla intercourse boring as hell, plus I’ve never had an orgasm from it . ( I did let him briefly put it inside me on our wedding night as his wedding gift, but I didn’t let him move, only so he would know what it felt like and he we hasn’t been inside me in the seven years since) I told him he would live in a chastity device as my husband, full time and that it wasn’t negotiable. I made it clear that I wasn’t going to stop working as a Pro Domme and I would control every aspect of his life. I told him that I would severely punish him anytime he misbehaved. With all those warnings, he said “I do” seven years ago. Listen to his Podcast interview, he couldn’t be happier married to me! And I am just as happily married to him!
Together, we are an everyday couple who does everyday couple things, with a secret twist! I’m sharing our photos from a wedding we attended together last Saturday and I picked out his tie to match my dress! Like I mentioned, there is always a secret twist! Were wearing matching panties!
I hope you learn something from my friend Jen’s blog and my little snippet and you join the “sisterhood.” All women should push each other up and embrace their inner Domme and be a BOSS BITCH! I love mentoring other women, and I have a lot to share, so friend me on Twitter (https://x.com/MsKinkyKane) or stop by and visit me at “House Du Croix” in Bristol https://www.houseducroix.com . If you want to show me some love, subscribe to my OnlyFans at https://onlyfans.com/mskinkykane . I also recommend you read this interview I gave to Cat Boulder on the FemaleLed website https://femaleled.info/interviews-with-real-dominant-women-series-remember-this-about-you-as-the-woman-and-not-fulfilling-what-a-male-partner-wants/
I want you to study a few of her videos to pick up on some very specific things. Specifically, I want you to listen to what she says. As you listen to her, remember what I told you when I said Femdom is MENTAL.
Once you’ve seen one penis, you’ve seen them all. I get it! You’re not watching the videos for “porn,” like every man on the planet, you are watching them so you know how to put it all together when I start you on your practicum in the next lesson. You can’t take Physics 201 without taking Physics 101.
Put on your headphones for the next half hour!
Maintenance Spanking Video Example:
Watch this weekly maintenance spanking. In less than six minutes, Sarah is able to deliver a firm correction and has a discussion with Chris. She also checks in with him and asks him if there is anything he wanted to discuss. She also informs him of things that she wants to see improvement on.
For some odd reason these videos have buffering issues. If you have difficulties watching the videos, just use the links in red and it will play the videos without a problem.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zXvhr3oOi0m4tF-tdrhVVvbj9DjPHvb7/view?usp=drive_link
Monthly Orgasm Video Example:
The next video is Chris’s, “monthly(ish)” orgasm. Remember what I said, Sarah doesn’t unlock him from the device. The video is only 4:50 seconds. I want you to focus on how Sarah handles his releases. Think about the frustration and denial this causes. Pay attention to how “matter of fact” she is with his orgasms. Remember how I said, I have a “lets get this over with attitude” towards my husbands orgasms. Watch how Sarah handles it.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LTE_pSvvyIzzUxy7e4JbgUXMhEA2ma_Y/view?usp=sharing
Verbal Teasing and Reward Video Example:
Remember as you are watching that Chris, hadn’t had an erection while unlocked in a year! Sarah only unlocks the device every couple of weeks so he can shave and she can inspect his penis for chaffing and injuries. His one year of denial and anticipation came to an end in less than 10 minutes. Pay attention to how quickly Sarah pulls the vibrator away when Chris starts to cum and she ruined his orgasm. Listen to the things she says to him. The orgasm wasn’t the reward for Chris in this video, the brief hand job was the actual reward!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DQWB7lYh3uuHdCNMceg7PPULbKev91sW/view?usp=drive_link
Non Physical Punishment Video Example: In the next video (only 3:38) I want you to watch how Sarah delivers an effective punishment, without any pain! I also want you to remind you again, Sarah is a professional! She has every toy and implement a submissive could dream about. I didn’t even know what a “Posture Collar” was until I watched this video, and I’ve been doing Femdom for almost three decades.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uzg9RbnnGV3e9Sc2ADs-rtX_6NnP9Az1/view?usp=drive_link
Painful Punishment Video Example:
The last video I want you to watch is a punishment video. Do you recall how much I love using my cane to get my point across? Sarah uses he whip as a means to deliver a painful punishment. This is an 11 minute video but you can learn something by watching her deliver a very effective punishment. It’s rather clear how much Chris doesn’t like her whip!
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1RUni51zkEic3JiWHteXv1o6-GojKCUmd/view?usp=drive_link
Again, the videos are only for you to see some examples of punishments, maintenance spanking and real life Femdom. Sarah and Chris are VERY experienced. You are not expected to be Sarah, but I thought you may learn something from listening and watching her in action.
Let’s Discuss Fetlife:
I think this is the best FREE resources for Dommes, both new and experienced. Its basically Instagram and Facebook for all things BDSM.
Create an account and learn how to navigate the site. There are unlimited resources available. Looking for a class, Fetlife. Looking for a party, Fetlife. Looking for a Femdom event in Baton Rouge tonight, Fetlife. Looking for new ideas, Fetlife. Looking for a mentor, Fetlife. If it’s Femdom related, its on Fetlife. As you will see it’s very popular, with over 12 million user accounts.
The first group you need to follow is: https://fetlife.com/groups/276480
It’s a little tricky to navigate at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’s a one stop shop on your Female Led Relationship journey.
What is a Femdom Event?
Are you a member of any book clubs? What about a pottery or any other creative class that allows you to express yourself and bond with other women over shared pursuits? Most Femdom groups and events are just like book clubs.
You will see everyone from a Professional Dominatrix to “soccer moms” like myself. One thing you will notice is there are a lot of everyday “soccer moms” in attendance; Remember how I said fireman, police officers and military men are always submissive, it seems the vast majority of Dommes are always teachers or in health care. Point to a woman who is “Artsy” or one who loves to “get lost” in an art gallery and there is a very good chance she is a Domme! I’m not sure why, but it’s just a common theme you will notice with women in these groups (myself included). However, you should also prepare yourself because these events are not all the “Land of Milk and Honey.” The majority of people are everyday, normal people you would have a conversation with at a bar, but you will see some serious “nut jobs,” that shouldn’t be allowed out of their mothers basement!
Femdom events range from classes on “How to Peg Your Man” to parties based around power exchange. Once you relax and become more comfortable, you will realize what a good time they are. You may hear the term “munch.” A “munch” is simply a meeting or gathering. I have no idea why this is the term used in Femdom/BDSM circles, but it is.
Take An In Person Domme Class
Looking for one on one instruction? Here are a few Dommes that will provide instruction and mentorship (for a fee). This list is nowhere near inclusive. These are just some of the women I know personally who teach aspiring Femdom’s.
https://academy.theevolutionarydominatrix.com Based in LA and Online. This is the Gold Standard Class!
https://www.fortefemme.com Held in New York and San Francisco twice a year. Another Gold Standard!
https://www.simonejustice.com/bdsm-class
https://www.mistressviola.com/sessions-copy
https://theartoffemaledomination.com/private-lessons
https://www.mistressmindset.com/mentoring
https://www.boundbdsm.net/coaching-faq-a2
https://www.mistresstissa.com/coaching
Groups & Organizations:
Here are some of my favorite Female Led Groups from all across the United States (These are groups that I’ve been to at least one event): I realize there are thousands of other groups inside and outside the US, but I’m keeping the blog focused on groups I have been apart of.
San Diego Fem Dom Alliance is a great group in the San Diego Area.
Best group in Southern Florida for women in Female Led Relationships.
New York City based Femdom group.
Femocracy is a Femdom group geared toward younger women in the Boston area.
Phoenix based group specifically for women in Female Led Relationships.
My favorite Seattle group. (I’m the co chair!) Most of our meetings are tame, consisting of a group of women, sitting in the back yard talking, while our men serve us wine!
Been to several of their functions. Great group of ladies in Ohio!
BEST group for new Domme’s in the Northwest (Portland)! They hold many trainings and workshops geared towards beginners.
This group is geared towards Clothed Female, Naked Male parties in South Florida. They are fun!
Another chapter of Femocracy based in Pennsylvania.
ClubFem Las Vegas. (This group doesn’t accept tourists. For Femdom events and parties that accept tourists, look at Sin City Femdoms)
Here is a link to all the ClubFem chapters across the globe:
https://clubfem.com/international.htm
Great group for women looking to go to events in San Diego!
What happens in Vegas….(this group accepts tourists)
Only went to one Femdom class in Tucson, but it was awesome!
Golden Arrows is the ultimate Femdom group in Northern California. Lady Diana is the host and she holds dinners, games and camping events on her private ranch, in a rural area near Auburn, California. The events are unbelievably fun and unique!
Ready To Go On A Femdom Vacation?
My final words of advice
I’m going to put my professional hat back on for a brief moment. I’m a psychologist and not a therapist (there is a difference) so I don’t typically give marriage advice, but I would like to share a couple of things with you. I want all couples to be as happy and fulfilled as we are. I often joke about the fact that 50% of all marriages end in divorce, because the other 50% aren’t in Female Led Relationships!
In all seriousness, ALL relationships take effort by EACH of you. “Till death do us part” is a LONG TIME. “If your marriage isn’t moving forward, its moving backwards! And don’t forget, you don’t get anywhere in neutral!
Do what makes the two of you happy, because that’s all that matters. Worrying about what “others think,” doesn’t do anything for the two of you!
I always tell women to put MORE effort into your relationship than learning the moves for, “Cotton Eyed Joe” at a country bar. Every woman is nervous when they start out as a Domme, but you need to put in the effort if you want to be successful. Practice and preparation builds confidence. Learn to be the best Domme you can be! Read the last sentence again! Mary Lou Retton didn’t become the best gymnast in the world simply by, “wishing upon a star.” She practiced a few times. When I first started down this path, I was just like you and didn’t know anything about Femdom! I eventually became skilled from research, classes and a lot of experimentation. Work on developing your skills as a Domme and EXPERIMENT!
Femdom is like pizza! Some like it thick, or thin, or round, or square with tons of toppings, or no toppings at all. What you want to do is experiment with the things you know you will like, and every once in a while, toss in some things you aren’t sure of.
Try not to get into the “I don’t like that” rut when you haven’t done something. It’s the same thing as a little kid saying they don’t like mashed potatoes when they’ve never eaten them. I typically will try anything once, and maybe a second time, just to make sure I have the same feeling about it. I’ve had some wonderful experiences after I tried some things that I wasn’t sure about.
For example, I never had, nor did I plan on having another woman give me oral sex. We were on vacation at Hedonism in Jamacia and we were drinking (it always involves drinking) and talking with another couple at the pool. The wife “jokingly” asked me if she could go down on me. (Crazy shit happens at Hedonism) I said, “fuck it,” why not! We left the men at the pool, and we went back to my room and she gave me an orgasm. I had high hopes that it was going to be spectacular, coming from a woman, but honestly, my husband’s mouth is just as good. But I can say I tried it!
Explore, get out, have fun and never stop improving! (Lowes is going to sue me for a copyright infringement) Go take a Femdom class, go to a Femdom conference, go to Jamacia and spend a week at Hedonism! Go to a sex club! My husband and I are not “swingers” but we’ve been to several swingers’ clubs. The first couple of times we just had drinks and watched other people have sex (SERIOUSLY GO! It’s erotic, and that was the first time I realized that voyeurism turned me on).
The last time we went, my husband sat on a sofa, with a chastity cage on under his jeans, and he watch me have sex with another man, only to take me back to our hotel room afterwards, lick me to an orgasm and hold me in bed telling me how much he loved me. I actually thought his erection was going to split his metal chastity cage in half!
Talk about “having my cake and eating it to.” That’s some serious power and control. But THE IMPORTANT FACT was, it left my husband aroused and thinking about it for MONTHS! And let’s talk about unfair, “I don’t even let him sit next to other women, let alone “share” him.”
Like I told you earlier, our Female Led Relationship has resulted in me connecting with my husband on another level! No one else knows what we do, and honestly, I’m 53 years old and have zero fucks to give what other people think!
On the next page is a list of groups and activities I encourage you to try! There are enough of them to keep you both busy, “till death do you part!”
I hope you gained some knowledge from my blog. Remember, it’s a marathon and not a sprint! Have fun, play games and stay happy as the two of you grow old together!
You are now ready for the next step in Domme School! I put together an easy to follow worksheet to help you get started!
Click the below link the practical exam.