Topping from the bottom is something you will need to prevent. He has been masturbating to Femdom porn forever. He knows what turns him on. A minute or two later, he cums and never has to actually live with the frustration of long term sexual tension (horniness). Soon, he is going to get a very good lesson in “be careful what you wish for.” When you go from masturbating all the time to the reality of, “ I haven’t cum in six, long weeks, and want to, realllllllllly, really bad;” he is going to try to manipulate you to get what he wants. (fetish, orgasm, edging ect) This is called topping from the bottom.
You need to set clear boundaries from the beginning. My husband spends 98% of every year, bouncing off the walls because of orgasm denial. He is always HOPING for some sexual attention. Always! Because of the rules we set up in the beginning, he doesn’t have any way to “top from the bottom.” Let me explain.
He isn’t allowed to ask me to masturbate. Ever. He has to wait for me to initiate it and give him that “treat.”
He isn’t allowed to ask to cum. Ever! He has to wait for me to tell him too. Asking to cum is trying to “top from the bottom.”
Blow jobs and PIV sex are entirely off the table for him. This means his release options are limited and he is entirely dependent on me! When I decide to give him a treat and edge him, he has to spend more energy trying not to come. His “small treat” for a few minutes of pleasure causes a buildup of more sexual tension, only for him to find himself sprinting in the hamster wheel again, twenty minutes later.
Since he can’t “top from the bottom” he will quickly realize his best option is to attempt to make you happier, and more in the mood for sex. He will constantly be rubbing you, kissing your neck, trying to caress your breasts, nibbling on your ears, rubbing inside your thighs, and stroking your hair. He will be suggesting things like, “baby, what do you think about you going and getting a facial this weekend?”
You can choose to enjoy these things and maybe roll over and go to sleep. You may take pity on him and give him a treat or two. You may not be in the mood and tell him to go find a chore to do. You might tell him to kneel on the floor and stay there while you go get a mani pedi. YOU choose what happens. No patterns and no expectations. This is Femdom.
Here is another type of “topping from the bottom.” Let’s say he worked all day and gets home and he’s tired. Now it’s bedtime and all he wants to do is get into bed, because he has to get up at 5am, but you want a massage. Guess what, you tell him to massage you! Fast forward 20 minutes and he starts slowing down and asking you, “is that good?” This is topping from the bottom! He stops when you tell him! He is trying to manipulate you to tell him he can stop so he can go to bed. He is trying to put his needs above yours!
Let me tell you how I would handle this. I would ask him, “Do you tell me when you are finished or do you wait for me to tell you when you are done?” Loaded question. I would make him massage me until he is damn near falling asleep standing. When I am satisfied, I would tell him he can stop. Then I would tell him to go stand in the corner for an hour before he can get into bed. Now he lost out on another hour of sleep. You have to train them like a puppy. I can promise you that the next time he’s tired, and massaging me, he will put my needs above his. THIS IS FEMDOM. He must learn to ALWAYS put your needs above his!