My rant!
I was just watching a TV show on TNT. I’m not into reality television, having been behind the scenes once and seeing how manipulated it all is. Anyway, it was called “My husband is Not Gay.” The show was about Mormon men who have an intense sexual attraction to men but get married, have kids and do NOT identify as gay. They hang out together and go camping without their wives and have a “danger scale” while checking out men in public together. So they are gay! And it seems sometimes they act on those feelings. But they stay in this role as good straight Mormon, married dads.
It had a familiar ring to it. If I had a $1000 for every married man whose wives are not interested in their submission and they are struggling with it, I’d have a four-million dollar property by now. They all tell me that if they had a chance to go back they would not have pretended to be otherwise. They would have looked for a woman who could embrace their submission. Men in their 60s and 70s tell me how hard it is to be married to a vanilla woman and have to keep this part of themselves hidden. Many made awkward attempts to share it with their spouse and got rebuffed.
All of these men knew they had these tendencies from the moment they hit puberty. But they felt enormous shame in it. Because the messages they get from other men and even women is that if they are to be a real man, in patriarchy they need to be in control. They need to be the one on top. They have intense fantasies of bowing to a woman, being bound, gagged, manipulated, fucked and “abused.” Beyond that, they have fantasies of themselves as a lady’s servant, or as a cuckold. Denied until they lose their mind with ecstasy. It’s an intense spiritual need to have their ego shut down. They are aroused at selflessness and sacrifice – things that should be completely natural but that are somehow denigrated in a world run by less intelligent, selfish, competitive men. They feel a huge relief in being used and used well to make a woman happy. A kind of honesty that cannot be denied.
This is not a learned behavior. These men have known this about themselves and fought it. They were expected to be something other than themselves. Just like the gay Mormon men.
So I need to explain something and make it perfectly clear. You only get this one life. This promise of a heaven beyond, and even certain ideas around reincarnation, are all a ruse built on fear to keep you under the control of other men. When we die, we do experience bliss, but it’s because that which makes you an individual being is gone! You are not you anymore. There is no place where you continue to be you. And that’s the great gift of all this life! You are here and you are only this unique person for a little while. And you are supposed to be authentic. If you can’t be, then you’ve wasted your time!
How many people will try to be, not a better version of themselves, but a squashed, compressed, watered down version? And especially in your private relationships, where you are SUPPOSED to be your whole self! If you don’t want to be a public face of submission, fine. That’s no one’s business. But at least give yourself the opportunity to be fully who you are in private. Stop trying to bury it.
The world NEEDS more submissive men. Have you seen it out there? Have you seen how bad it can be for women? We NEED you guys to set new standards for how to treat women. I will say it plainly. YOU ARE BETTER than 80% of men. You’re more thoughtful, less selfish, and your desire to submit and to worship women is just basic fucking biology! Women are the source of human life! Why would you NOT?! Why would you NOT fall to your knees when you see a woman who understands her own value?
So this is my call to you. In honor of the men who, nearing the last part of their lives, felt they had to hide and suppress their submission and who would give anything to go back and change it… Just be who you are. If this is something you discovered about yourself early on, embrace it! FFS don’t be like the gay Mormons living a life of hypocrisy. And don’t be another man, like all the men I’ve heard from in their older age, who lives with this deeply sad regret.
That’s my rant. And let it be the kick in the ass you need to stop pretending that your submission will ever go away. Stop trying to pray it away. It does not work. And I for one, like you just as you are. The Goddess likes you on your knees, because that’s exactly where you belong.