It’s Not All Fun and Games!
Remember in the “Free Time Section,” I talked about how I’ve only done a few loads of laundry in ten years. The reason I said ten years was, ten years ago my husband fell off a cliff while rock climbing, fractured his hip and broke his leg. He was laid up for weeks, and we literally “switched roles.” He actually had a bell on the side of the bed to get my attention! At the time we were about 15 years into our Female Led Relationship, and “serving him” was just a little WEIRD. The worst part about it was:
I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And if it happens again, I will take care of him just like I did the last time!
A few years back my mom had to move in with us. I’m going to be nice and say it was only, “slightly unpleasant.” She was using the guest bedroom that shares a wall to our bedroom. Let’s just say I had to “dial things back,” for a few months.
I know this may be hard to believe, but there are times when I need to make my own dinner! My husband travels for work every couple of months. I leave the laundry stacked for up for him to wash, but I can’t go without a salad and baked ziti for three days.
(The good thing about when he’s traveling for work is, I never need to worry about him getting “wild” at the hotel bar, since his little guy is safely locked up inside his panties! These rules don’t apply to me, because there is something about hotels and conferences that makes me frisky! I told you the relationship is unfair)
The point is, life is going to happen. When you encounter a speedbump, slow down and drive over it slowly. As soon as you speed back up, you can get your dynamic back on track. You are going to hit speed bumps!
Oh My God! What Would Others Think?
My advice is not concern yourself with, “what others think.” What one couple does, to make themselves happy isn’t anyone else’s concern. No one knows what my husband and I do in private. And what if they do? I’m rather confident my mom knows. She was house sitting one time when we went on vacation. When I returned, I realized I left a Femdom book on my nightstand. And not a “Fifty Shades of Grey” book. It was this book:
(Here’s the link if you’re interested. The book was just “so so.”https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30310284-the-good-wife-s-guide-to-taking-charge)
As you can see it left very little to the imagination. That, along with the fact she sees how my husband treats me, I’m confident she was able to put two and two together. She has never said anything, but guess what…..Who gives a shit. We are so happy together and, “we do us.”
Lets Discuss Rules:
In the last lesson we discussed protocol and why it’s important. Now we’re going to discuss rules and why they’re just as important.
Remember how my husband has rules he must follow at work, he also has rules he must follow at home.
For this section, I “cut and pasted” his rules from our agreement. We have others, but this highlights a vast majority of them. Rules serve a specific purpose, and I explain the purpose of each rule in red. As a psychologist I think it’s important that you understand the WHY to a rule, and not just the fact that its a rule.
Pro Tip: Take the time and write down the rules in your Female Led Relationship. This will ensure he knows the expectations and the consequences.
General:
I will never force my wife to repeat herself. When she gives me instructions I will immediately comply. If she tells me something such as, “go get my cane,” or “stop,” or “take your clothes off,” I must immediately comply. Delay tactics such as “huh?” or “are you sure” are not acceptable. I implemented this rule straight from my dog training manual. Sit means sit. Its not that he doesn’t hear me, but he’s delaying for various reasons. I put a stop to it. Submission means obedience.
If I ask my wife a question and she gives me an answer, that is the end of the discussion. An example is, “may I have a couple scoops of ice cream? If she replies, “no” there is no further discussion on the topic. In addition, if she ends a sentence with the words “do you understand,” that will be the end of the discussion. Same goes for, “this is what you are doing.” The Queen has spoken. I love watching the internal struggle as he processes something I demand and realizes he has to just obey. I have modified this rule since it was implemented. If he strongly wants me to consider his point of view on a matter, he is allowed to write me a “persuasion paper” by hand, the day following (never on the same day). He can leave the paper on my nightstand for me to read, at my leisure, and he isn’t allowed to bring it up again. Every once in a “Blue Moon” he might be right, and it will cause me to change my mind. If not, I crumble it up and throw it in the trash and never mention it again, and he will live with my decision. Remember, I’m the head of the household.
I am not allowed to interrupt my wife while she is speaking. If she begins to speak, I immediately stop talking and actively listen. I’m actually in the process of modifying this rule to make it say, “I wont interrupt any women when they’re speaking.” Last week, we had dinner with my girlfriend and her boyfriend, and my husband kept speaking over her. It pissed me off. Maybe it’s the “girl power” in me, but I find it disrespectful. He would never do that to me, so I’m going to make sure he doesn’t do it to any woman, ever again! When a woman is speaking from now on, HE WILL SHUT HIS MOUTH! (And by the way ladies, I addressed it as soon as we were in the car driving home)
I am required and expected to make every effort to immediately answer her phone calls and texts. I’m expected to step out of a meeting to say, “hello sweetheart, I’m in a meeting, may I call you back as soon as I’m finished? Not answering your phone will be a RARE exception and it will be discussed if it occurs often. He needs to answer the phone and immediately respond back to my texts……period. I’m his priority.
I am required to actively anticipate my wife’s needs. I am required to actively think of ways to provide her with better service and ask her for her input. To steal a line from Lowes, I want him to “never stop improving.” This isn’t a anticipate my needs example, but I do want to tell you how I always make him “never stop improving.” A long time ago, when our kids were young, they had to volunteer as part of a school assignment. While searching volunteer activities I discovered, “Make A Wish” needed volunteers to wrap gifts at the mall. When my husband returned home from work I handed him the flyer and told him, “you will be volunteering 4 hours, every weekend until Christmas, understood?” As you just read, from the way it was presented to him this wasn’t a discussion. HE WAS THE WORST at wrapping gifts. After six weekends, and numerous “on the job lessons,” he can now teach Martha Stewart the proper way to place a bow on a gift. I now make him volunteer every year and it’s for a good cause! The best part, I haven’t wrapped one gift since then!
I am required to keep Life 360 active on my phone at all times. I want to know where he is at all times.
I am required to wear panties every day. I am able to choose the style and color unless otherwise told. We’ve had this rule for 20 years and it’s probably time for me to remove it, because it’s now kind of a moot point. As I mentioned in the “Humiliation Post,” I got rid of every pair of his boxers, so he doesn’t have any other options. Getting rid of his masculine underwear is emasculating. Think about this, every day he pulls a pair of panties out of his drawer and he INSTANTLY thinks about his position in our relationship. Somedays he doesn’t want to wear them, but he has no choice, because I demand it! This is another example of enforcing female dominance with NO effort on my part, but his head is always processing it! I do love watching him pull down his shirt 700 times a day to make sure his panties aren’t showing. Lets be honest, so what is someone sees his panties!
I am required to walk next to her (very slightly behind). I will walk in front of her only to open her doors. I think this is pretty obvious. I don’t want him to walk in front of me. When I’m training dogs, I don’t let the dog walk in front and pull the leash, they walk on my side. I lead, he follows. This is somewhat difficult for my husband because he is tall and he has to constantly think about his pace while we walk together.
I am required to stop what I’m doing, and walk to her if she calls my name from another room. This rule works in the opposite if I need to ask her something. I’m never allowed to yell at her and I’m expected to walk and find her. Its another one straight from the dog training handbook. I’m basically saying “come” by calling his name.
I am not allowed to eat sugar, drink soda or consume any alcohol without permission. If I call or text for permission, and no response is received, consider the answer a “no.” I consider myself healthy and want my husband to be healthy as well. I limit his sugar intake more than his orgasms. (I know, you didn’t think that was possible) I also have no problem eating a cupcake in front of him and telling him “no.” Yes, I know it’s unfair.
I am required to leave my cell phone on my nightstand whenever I am home. I am allowed to check messages and answer calls as needed, but otherwise the phone remains on the nightstand. I probably waste three hours a day on my phone browsing Pinterest, Instagram, Fetlife and TikTok. The nature of our relationship gives me an unbelievable amount of free time! I don’t allow him to waste time on social media and he doesn’t have those freedoms. Remember, our relationship is designed to be unfair.
Unless otherwise told, I am allowed one hour of free time daily to do as I chose. I am expected to keep track of the time. This rule is damn near obsolete as well. I don’t know if he has that much free time. I keep him busy and he doesn’t have much time to waste.
I am not allowed to spend more than $10 without permission. If no response is received, I will use my best judgement as to what my wife would have approved. I put this rule in last year. I added up how much money he was spending on work lunches and Dutch Bros, and I was appalled. He’s no longer allowed to go out for lunch and must bring coffee from home. I think it’s funny that my husband, who supervises 1,000 people at work, and has a big corner office on the top floor, now eats his turkey sandwich and apple in the lunchroom! I use the savings for fillers, micro needling, massages and spa treatments.
I am required to go to the gym at least four days a week. I an also required to keep my weight between 215 and 235. I want to make sure he’s healthy to serve me for a long time. I don’t know how to turn on the dishwasher or washing machine. Joking…not really joking. Randomly, I will tell him to take his clothes off and get on the scale. Looking for a way to make your husband loose some weight? How this, “you don’t get another orgasm until you lose ten pounds!” I could put Orangetheory and LA Fitness out of business!
I am NEVER allowed to open ANY drawer in my wife’s nightstand. I’m also not allowed to look in her phone, without permission. He knows everything I do, but I love the power trip it provides. It creates a “sense of mystery.” “What does she have in there?” It also gives me a level of privacy he isn’t afforded.
I am required to be out of bed 40 minutes before my wife to take care of my morning chores. I will be cautious before I ask her for an exception to this rule and if I need to ask, I will only do so before bed. I love waking up to a clean house, windows open for fresh air, freshly brewed tea, my workout clothing set out for me, my slippers properly placed next to the bed and a cold glass of water next to my sink. These things don’t just magically appear, so he needs to always be up earlier than me. I cant even think of the last time he has asked me to sleep in longer.
I am required at all times to urinate sitting down and will always use toilet paper to clean myself. Using a urinal and “shaking” are never permitted. EVERY WOMAN needs to implement this rule. First off, it’s a very fast way to get rid of his “male benefit.” It’s also humiliating and emasculating. This isn’t just my rule, its one of the most common rules in every Female Led Relationship, because it has so many psychological effects on submissives. I LOVE hearing him complain about the crappy conditions of public bathrooms! Boo Hoo! Oh my god, you had to squat to pee in the nasty Porta Potty? See ladies, this is why its a rule, we are just leveling the playing field. My husband is locked up 90% of the time anyways, so his options were already limited before this rule.
If I ask for an exception to a rule or protocol and it is denied, I will receive (5) very hard hits with the cane! This rule solved all my life problems! I added this rule because I wanted him to think of solutions to a problem before he asks for an exception. The final straw came YEARS ago when he asked me if he could take off his panties and chastity device for a doctors appointment for an EAR INFECTION! No doctor on planet earth needs you to drop your pants for an ear infection. If he asked me that same question today, he would feel the welts for a few days! He’s much brighter now, fast forward to 2023 and he received a summons for Jury Duty. He asked me, “may I switch from the metal device to the plastic device, on the day I need to go to court, so I don’t set off the metal detector”? I felt that was reasonable and told him “yes.” Without this rule he would have just asked to be unlocked. Improvement!
Sexual:
I am not allowed to masturbate without permission. Do I really need to explain this one? I want his sexuality to be 100% dependent on me. It’s a powerful rush.
I am never allowed an orgasm without permission and my wife must be present for all orgasms. I’ve been specifically told NOT TO VIOLATE THIS RULE. I understand the punishment will be harsh and will likely occur IMMEDIATELLY after the unauthorized orgasm. He doesn’t without my permission. It’s the core principle of our relationship.
I am required to notify my wife on the evening of the 21st day of orgasm denial and and every 7 days thereafter. This is so I know how long its been, and I can make my decision if I’m ready for him to have an orgasm. Before menopause, it was really unfortunate for him when the 21st day fell anytime around my period, because him having an orgasm was THE LAST THING on my mind.
I am NEVER allowed to insinuate or ask for an orgasm. Things such as, “oh sweetie, please…….please” is considered insinuating. “Oh my god” or “Oh sweetie” is acceptable. My wife is the final authority on this subject, and I have been pre warned to be very cautious as to what I am saying. It is acceptable for me to answer questions, such as, “would you like to cum?” I stole this rule from a Femdom book and LOVE it. It enhances my control. He never has no clue if it’s happening or not. I LOVE the struggle this causes him. I added the “insinuate” part years ago because he was so whinny and trying to “top from the bottom” and trying subtlety get me to let him orgasm. It’s such a mindfuck that he want’s to orgasm so badly, but he isn’t even allowed to ask!
I am never allowed to ask to place my penis inside my wife. This is 100% denial, humiliation and emasculation. Think about it. He isn’t allowed to ask to put his penis inside his wife, EVER. Notice the rule says, “he isn’t allowed to ask.” If you remember, I told you I don’t allow him inside me, but the rule is written so it doesn’t preclude me from it, if I wanted. Don’t’ worry, he wont be inside me because he literally sucks at fucking (2.5 stars out of 10) and he can only last 8 seconds. (Imagine that Yelp review) I like to focus his efforts on the skills he excels at, like cunnilingus. (10 stars out of 10) We have a strap on that goes over his penis, and he has fucked me with it several times, so we can use that! On a sidenote, I just read this paragraph to him and asked him his thoughts, and I literally watched his penis start twitching right in front of me. Amazing! humiliation and denial do wonderful things to the mind.
I am required to lick up all my semen, with enthusiasm, regardless of where it is (floor/cup/ass/sheets etc.). This will be done promptly and thoroughly. It’s humiliating and the emotional struggle is so much fun to watch! This is the last thing he wants to do after an orgasm.
When I am permitted to orgasm, I must promptly thank my wife for her generosity. Ahh thanks, I am pretty generous!
I recommend you print out your rules and protocols and keep them handy. I make sure to carve out 30 minutes, every week and we have a “maintenance session.” It’s the same routine every time. Him naked, sitting on the floor, and I’m sitting in the chair in front of him. It’s basically his, “weekly performance review.” I look over the list and decide how his performance has been. For the most part, these are “funishment” times.
I’m going to cause him pain and discomfort, but I’m not trying to make him feel the pain the next morning. However if he does makes a mistake, like accidently having an orgasm, these will turn into punishment sessions. I will break out my cane and he WILL HAVE some serious welts and bruises because I want it to be PAINFUL! Did I mention you need to buy a cane?
Part of the relationship also requires me to follow rules:
I will hold my husband accountable to all the protocols and rules that have been agreed upon.
I will discuss our relationship with him monthly and adjust as needed.
As you can see, I have a lot less rules to follow!
Female Led Relationships work so well because you are highlighting and spelling out each other’s roles. Rules are part of our everyday lives, and you’re only clearly defining them. Our rules change all the time. He doesn’t have the authority to change them or make any additional ones. He can discuss the rules during our monthly discussions and make suggestions, but I’m under no obligation to appease him.
Email From Reader:
I received an email (after I first published this post) from a woman saying, and I’m paraphrasing, she could not believe that I would tell my husband he wasn’t good in bed and how I tell him about my other lovers being better in bed than him. She told me how she wants to “always make her husband happy.” She also said she could never, “crush her husband’s ego” like that. She then asked me if he reads the things I say in my blog.
Ok, I probably had the same thought process as she did when I first started this 27 years ago. This was before I learned that submissive men CRAVE the humiliation and denial. If her husband is submissive, nothing is going to make him happier than denial and humiliation. NOTHING! Give him the choice of front row tickets to the Super Bowl, or a two hour session with a Pro Domme and I bet you I know what he would choose. As far as his ego, I’m TRYING to crush his ego! I intentionally make him cum in 30 seconds, TOPS! Missy Elliot definitely wouldn’t want to marry my husband, because a “One Minute Man,” is more than double his endurance level. But guess what, he has earned the “Best Husband Award” 27 years in a row! I can only tell you the techniques I know WORK! If you are not comfortable with something, “take some and leave some.” And yes, HE READS EVERY WORD IN THIS BLOG.
Lets Make Orgasm Denial Great Again! (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself)
How do you make orgasm denial harder on him? It’s called “Edging.”
Edging is the practice of approaching orgasm and then backing off. As opposed to rushing over the finish line, edging is like like keeping orgasm in view, dancing up to it, and then backing away. “The journey is more important than the destination.”
I don’t reward my husband with orgasms, but I give him “treats” and one of those is edging him. I will tell him he was good today, and he can masturbate for five minutes while I read my book. He isn’t allowed to orgasm. (he knows this already since he’s usually laying in bed, and as you just read above, he is never allowed to cum in bed.
Masturbation feels GREAT and he’s always, so denied, so he loves the sensations it provides. Remember when I told you about the hamster wheel? This is the ultimate hamster wheel. A few minutes of pleasure while he masturbates will multiply his level of arousal ten fold. When he stops he will be trembling because he wants to “cum so bad.” Not being allowed to relieve that feeling is the ultimate recipe for frustration. He then goes right back into the chastity device, then tries to full asleep unbelievably aroused, only to start over in the hamster wheel again the next morning. And don’t forget, just because he is going to be frustrated and aroused doesn’t mean I am. I’m going to cum all over his face, roll over and sleep like a baby!
But the best thing about edging is, it builds him up for the most INTENSE orgasm he could fantasize about! Except there is only one problem for him, I’m going to take that pleasurable orgasm away from him, as you will read about in a few minutes!
Pro Tip: Don’t just edge him, add in some humiliation and denial. I will often allow my husband to “hump my leg” for a few minutes to edge him. He is so denied and desperate that he will take whatever pleasure I allow him. While laying in bed, I tell him to “hump my leg” while I whisper in his ear, “how bad do you miss the days when you were allowed to be inside my warm, wet pussy?” For a submissive man, the denial mixed with humiliation is more powerful than sex! The buildup never ends. He will always want what he isn’t allowed to have.
NOW THE BAD NEWS LADIES….The time has come to let him have an orgasm!
So eventually you need to let your submissive orgasm. If I sound sad about it, It’s because I am. I must “keep the plumbing” working, and I want him healthy. We’ve been doing this so long that, “blue balls,” stopped being a problem for him years ago! After you stop allowing frequent masturbation and orgasms, it becomes easier for him to go months without them, but remember it takes time to build up to that length.
My husband had ten orgasms last year. That’s just how it worked out. If you’re curious how I know the exact number, it’s because I asked him. He knows! If I’m being honest, I want to reduce that number down a little bit. We discussed this when I was brainstorming what I was going to say in this blog, and he made a comment that he wasn’t even allowed an orgasm on his last two birthdays. (insert another shoulder shrug here)
His comment did make me think about how averse I have became towards letting him orgasm. I guess I’ve just experienced the unbelievable benefits limiting them have caused over the years. The wonderful thing about this is I know this drives him even more wild!
The reason I don’t like letting him orgasm is, his orgasms actually sucks, FOR ME. It’s like watching all my hard work getting flushed down the toilet. He INSTANTLY changes his attitude, loses his motivation and becomes a different person. I want him to be the submissive husband he was 90 seconds ago, busting his ass to make me happy, not the man sitting on the couch, playing with his balls, while he watches football. The term in the BDSM community for this is, “sub drop.” It’s a real thing!
(I need to let you know my husband has dramatically minimized his “sub drop” over the years. He’s been trained! He knows that I don’t like it and I will step on the punishment gas pedal real quickly if I see a drop in his service to me. This is his problem to mentally work through in his head. This is why it’s important that he fears my punishments. I can be cruel when dealing with sub drop. Remember when I said he isn’t allowed to turn our dynamic, “on and off”. He is going to be controlled when he doesn’t want to be.)
So now you know I don’t like letting him orgasm, let me tell you how I go about it. I look at his orgasms as a necessary evil, and not a reward. I actually LOVE to reward him and I do it ALL THE TIME, but his rewards are not orgasms. His rewards are me edging him and catering to his fetishes. (we will discuss this more when I talk about fetishes in a few minutes) Why would I reward something that I don’t want him to have? I look at his orgasms as, “lets get it over and done with, quickly.”
Full orgasms are pretty much a thing of the past for him. His orgasms are ruined. I don’t know the exact number, but I estimate he’s had five full orgasms over the last decade! Don’t forget, the more unfair the relationship is, the more he get’s his submissive “fix” and the more aroused he gets. I promise you, he will never need Viagra.
Let me explain a ruined orgasm, but before I do, lets briefly talk about a regular orgasm first.
As a man begins to experience sexual pleasure, they usually start to feel the pressure building in their scrotum and penis. This gets stronger and stronger, until eventually they cross the point of no return and have an orgasm. Then all the pressure (and cum) is released in big bursts. After he crosses the point of no return though, he doesn’t immediately stop. While cumming, a man will keep the stimulation going to make the most of the feeling, and have the greatest amount of pleasure he can.
With ruined orgasms, the first part is the same. The stimulation builds the pressure inside his scrotum and penis, but once he hits the point of no return, you immediately stop all stimulation. This means he still reaches the climax, but doesn’t get to enjoy all the pleasure he normally would.
What Are Ruined Orgasms Like?
His body will still experience the physical sensations that he usually does when he orgasms, and might even include pulsing or clenching. But the emotional and physical release he would normally feel from climaxing doesn’t happen. (if you are able to perfect the technique, you can even prevent the pulsing and clinching)
Watch the below 7-minute video that demonstrates a ruined orgasm. It may be the best example of a ruined orgasm I have seen. This video was shared with me when I took an online class on Fetlife called, “The Art of Ruined Orgasms.” She has perfected the technique, which takes a lot of practice. You can skip to the 4-minute mark in the video and watch from there. The first four minutes is just the Domme edging and masturbating the submissive. There will be a quiz later, so make sure you watch the entirety of the video from four minutes onward (it’s about 2:30 seconds).
From personal experience I can tell you that the submissive in the video probably hadn’t cum in at least a couple of months. That is a lot of cum!
More importantly you may have caught onto something that was missing. I’m sure you know how loud a man is when he’s having an explosive orgasm. His hips buck, his fist clinch, he makes crazy facial expressions and weird sounds! None of that occurred. He expelled months’ worth of semen, with very minimal pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still enjoyable for him but NOWHERE near as intense as a full orgasm. You are denying him the real deal. Notice a theme in this blog about denial!
I have been told that it’s unbelievably frustrating! The mind knows how well an orgasm feels and the submissive isn’t allowed to experience it. I guess I, “kinda” have an idea (insert large smile here), but as a woman, I would literally go crazy and stab him in the neck if he did that to me! Submissive men are just wired differently.
So now that you know what a ruined orgasm is let me explain to you what my husbands’ orgasms look like in “Jen’s Queendom.”
Back in December we had just finished “LOCKtober” and “NOvember” and my husband was approaching the 8-week mark since his last orgasm. (Google “Locktober,” and you will understand what I’m talking about, it’s a HUGE trend).
I took a bath and decided I was going to let him have an orgasm that night and started to mentally plan how I wanted it to happen. After I finished my bath and he was drying me off, I told him not to drain the bathtub. I told him to kneel in “service position” next to the bed. I spent 20 minutes at my vanity working on my bedtime routine while he knelt there silently. When I was finished, I walked over and got into bed, right next to where he was kneeling.
I told him to go into the kitchen and bring me an empty teacup. He went and retrieved a teacup, returned, then knelt back down and handed it to me. I placed the cup on my nightstand. (Just for context, I make him do this a lot, most of the time, I leave the cup on my nightstand for a night or two and nothing happens with it until I tell him to put it back in the cupboard. I’m psychologically torturing him and I don’t want to become predictable. In his head, he knows that the teacup didn’t mean he was guaranteed an orgasm, but he was definetelly more hopeful).
I told him he to go get into the bath (this is why I told him not to drain the water) and to clean his penis, and he needs to be back kneeling in the same spot in five minutes, and don’t drain the bathwater when he’s done. I told him to repeat the instructions back to me. He repeated them back and I said, “go.” (Keep in mind, he’s wearing a chastity device, so a bath is the best way for him to clean around the metal: and yes, I started the stopwatch on my phone for five minutes and started browsing Instagram).
4:20 seconds later he was back kneeling next to me. I continued playing on my phone for around 30 minutes while he knelt there silently. I finally looked at him and told him what was going to happen. You are going to stand up and I’m going to unlock your cage and then stroke you for thirty seconds. You must cum within the 30 seconds, or you wont cum for at least another week. You are going to cum into the cup, and I want the cum consumed within ten seconds. As soon as you swallow it, I want you to set the cup back down on the nightstand. You will remain standing, make a mental note of the time on the alarm clock, and start massaging me for one hour regardless of if I’m awake or not.
After the hour is up, you will take the cup into the kitchen, clean it and put it away. You will then get back into the bath and I want you to shave your balls while you are unlocked. After you shave, I want you to lock yourself back into the chastity device and clean the bathtub. Then you can get into bed, understood? I then told him to repeat it all back to me.
I removed my hand from his penis around 20 seconds “into it,” and I think I timed it well. After so many years of this, I know when, “it’s about to happen.” When he started cumming, my hand was nowhere near his penis. I told him to look me in the eyes as he drank the cum. As he did, I told him to tell me how did it taste? After that, I didn’t say another word and rolled over onto my stomach. About 30 seconds later, I could feel the oil hitting my back and he started massaging me.
The best laid plans often go to waste. I was SO TURNED ON that I had him stop massaging me a few minutes into the massage and told him to go down on me. I had the loudest, most amazing, toe curling orgasm EVER! I rolled back on my stomach and told him to start massaging me again. I wasn’t awake much longer, but when I woke up, the tub was clean, the cup was put away and he was back locked up in his chastity cage.
This is how he has orgasms. Let’s take a moment to dissect what’s happening here. He went 8 weeks without orgasming. I further built up his anticipation by making him kneel next to the bed, silently for almost an hour while I casually went about my facial routines and played on my phone. I’m sure his thoughts were all over the place during that hour. When he was finally presented with an opportunity to orgasm, he was faced with a time restriction and a consequence. Having him repeat my instructions back added to his humiliation.
He had to focus on holding the cup and had to make sure he came QUICKLY, while in the “relaxing” position of standing, while being rushed with a stopwatch. Right before he came, I removed my hand to ruin the effect and he got, “one good volcano squirt” and the other few ounces of cum, quickly flowed into the teacup. He then rushed to drink the cum because he only had 10 seconds, as I made him look me in the eyes! I then made him tell me how it tasted. I can see the shame and humiliation he experienced just by looking at him! 30 seconds later, he was expending a lot of his energy massaging me.
His 8 WEEKS of buildup ended in 40 seconds! From when I first stroked him, to semen in his belly, was 40 seconds. HOW DISAPOINTED DO YOU THINK HE WAS? I can’t begin to tell you about the denial effect to his psyche.
I want you to close your eyes and think about your own orgasms. You know, how you may take your time, and draw it out little because it feels so good. After you finally have that toe curling orgasm, you will lay in bed for 15 minutes, unbelievably relaxed, basking in the afterglow. You might have a cigarette or just roll over and go right into a deep sleep.
My husband knows exactly how it feels too! He knows how badly he would LOVE to be able to just lay there and enjoy it. But guess what, he is always denied those benefits! Remember, this is about POWER and CONTROL. I GUARANTEE YOU, during his brief “moment of post orgasm clarity” while he was bringing the teacup up to his lips, his mind was working through his life choices and he was recalling how good it COULD have felt. He also KNOWS how many WEEKS it’s going to be before he gets another opportunity at one, and at that moment, that’s a hard pill to swallow. The good thing is, he doesn’t have much time to think about it, because he had to start massaging me. (this makes me smile)
Remember the hamster wheel, 24 hours later, when the “sub drop” wears off, my husband will be thinking about what, “I did to him.” He will be extremely aroused and trying to get another erection! (Good thing he was safely locked back in his chastity device)
Think about the connection the two of us just experienced. I humiliated him, denied him, controlled him and mentally, “ripped him open like a sardine can.” It’s a different level of love and connection when someone can be this open, vulnerable and exposed to their life partner. I know what my husband’s needs are, and he gets those needs me from ME.
I want to share with you a conversation someone on Fetlife asked me on this topic. The question was asked, “don’t you want to let him experience a full orgasm once in a while? Initially, I laughed and said, “I do, he had five of them over the last decade.” The truth is the reason he had those five is, I don’t want him to forget how good it feels and he needs a reminder of what he’s missing out on!
I guess the best answer would be to ask your own submissive. Masturbate him and ask, “do you fantasize about never being allowed to have an orgasm?” Then ask, “do you want me to do that to you?” If it’s a yes and a yes, then you have your answer.
I posed this question in a Fetlife group called, “Ask a Submissive.” Out of 430 responses, 417 of them said, “Yes and Yes.” The other 13 were Internet Trolls! The results of my “very scientific” survey confirmed what I already knew. Submissive men want to be controlled, denied and humiliated.
One of the males who responded said the following:
“I so agree with your question Miss Jen. I’m married, with a wife who has started to “play with me” once in a while. I don’t think she understands that I want the denial. I want her to control me even when I don’t want it. I hate the frustration of a ruined orgasm at the time it happens, for obvious reasons, it ruins the orgasm. But I cum to the thought of it every time I masturbate. I think woman like my wife want to be nice and “give their partner an orgasm,” because they want to give them pleasure. I wish she knew that I experience more pleasure from the denial than the orgasm. I feel like full orgasms are like driving backwards on a road trip. Were driving along at 65 mph during the denial and when it comes time for the orgasm its like we slam on the breaks and start going in reverse. A ruined orgasm is a toll booth we slow down for and rapidly accelerate as soon as we get past it. (45/Male/Submissive: https://fetlife.com/lockedforM )
I loved his road trip example. Couples have to communicate and find out what works for them. If you go back to the communication portion of the FLR 101 blog, you will read that it’s the most important fundamental part of a Female Led Relationship. “lockedforM” and his wife need to do a better job at communicating.
As I wrap up this topic I do want to share some more thoughts on what his typical orgasms look like. I spend more time thinking about how I’m going to let him cum than the act itself. I will literally spend an hour or two on Google, figuring out a way to make it unpleasant and humiliating, and then the actual orgasm takes only a few seconds, to a few minutes.
As I mentioned previously, I don’t allow him any orgasms in bed. The bed is where I orgasm. This small little step enforces the hierarchy in our relationship.
All of his orgasms require him to lick up his mess, as this is NON-NEGOTIABLE. I will punish him (not funishement) if he doesn’t do it WELL. Typically, I will address it right then! I will tell him to stand up and massage me for an hour. After the hour, go stand in the corner for another hour and think about how you will not hesitate and you will clean it up more thoroughly next time. (Do you have any idea how boring standing in a corner of a dark room at bedtime is? Especially after you just had an orgasm?) It is a VERY effective and easy punishment. It also does wonders to limit the “subdrop.”
I typically always place a time limit on him. It makes it more difficult and reduces his pleasure.
All his orgasms end with him giving me a massage. Reduces the refractory period and makes him work when he would otherwise like to relax.
Finally, I’m going to share a video with you from “Miss Helena”. “Miss Helena” and her husband are another couple in a Female Led Relationship, who document their adventures online. (a lot of couples post videos and pictures for the humiliation and exhibitionism factor. I post for the education, humiliation and exhibitionism factor)
“Miss Helena” has a blog and she videotaped her husbands, “Orgasm Days.” Basically, she allows her husband to orgasm once a month and she films it and titled it, “Orgasm Day.”
I want you to see what submissive men are masturbating to. Last year, this was the number one watched Femdom video on Pornhub, with more that 25 million views. The video is very short, (of course its short, it’s a submissive male’s orgasm) so watch the whole thing and take note of what’s occurring in the video. You will notice it revolves around denial and humiliation. The one thing I’m not a fan of in this video is, she actually gives him a full orgasm!
She spits in his mouth, pees in his mouth, makes him cum into a bowl and feeds it to him and then finishes it up by peeing in his mouth again. Add in a simple, homemade spreader bar to lock his hands in place, an O gag to keep his mouth open to “force him” and you created something that millions of men have jacked off to, WISHING they were him! This scene wasn’t real complicated and it’s the number one Femdom video on Pornhub. Remember, if it involves humiliation and denial it’s going to cause him tremendous levels of arousal. Add in a fetish or two and make it “forced,” and you have hit it out of the ballpark.
Femdom isn’t complicated. It’s the same old acts, on repeat, with some small variations from time to time. There is a reason when you go to a wedding, they always play the “Macarena” and the “Wobble.” Mix in a few new upbeat songs and the next thing you know, you’re the new headline DJ at Coachella. Same goes for a Female Led Relationship. Keep humiliating, denying and controlling your husband and you are a Domme! Mix in some emasculation, fetishes and some toys, and now your qualified to work at Pandora’s Box. (it’s the most popular Professional Dominatrix business in New York City)
The DREADED 48 hours Following An Orgasm.
This isn’t even a thing in my relationship ANYMORE, but it used to be a MAJOR problem. YOU are going to have this problem! I hope you can learn something from my experience so you can handle it early on.
The days after an orgasm a man will be lazy! He can’t help himself. Yesterday the bed was made, clothes were washed promptly, drinks filled fast, and he was eager to please. This morning, after his orgasm last night, the bed still isn’t made, laundry is piling up, and his eagerness went into his stomach when you made him lick up all his cum.
Years ago, I made a mistake and would just, “give him time,” thinking he needed a few days to recover. That is NOT what you should do. I’ve learned the 48 hours after I allow him to orgasm, is when I am going to be the most strict. As you get more and more accustomed to the benefits of a Female Led Relationship, you will immediately notice the decline in service!
Years ago, I let him orgasm the night before. The following morning, after his tea service I went to an appointment. (I know it was on a Friday, because I had them off and the kids were still in school) When I came home, he was at work and the bed wasn’t made and the teacup was still sitting next to my chair. (THIS NEVER HAPPENS during the weeks before he was allowed an orgasm).
I sent him a text and told him to drive home at lunch time, walk inside the bedroom, get naked and into “punishment position.” When he walked into the bedroom, he noticed the cane and a spray bottle sitting on the bed. (if you don’t know, the water will intensify the pain!) I sprayed the water on his thighs and ass and beat him with the cane. (the neighbors probably thought I was slaughtering a pig from all his yelping, because it fucking HURT!) When I was done, I told him that this shit will not happen again! I told him he’s not going to cum for two months, and this is how he is going to spend his lunch break, every Friday until then. He quickly got dressed and went back to work. I “think” this was the last time it happed. (Its been so many years since then)
However you decide to address “subdrop” it is up to you. You need to address it quickly and ensure he knows, you will not tolerate a reduction in service, or else he is going to face the consequences. You just need to make sure the consequences are substantial. Once its addressed, I promise you will stop noticing a big decline.
I think its important to mention that you can also minimize the “subdrop” simply by the length of denial. An orgasm once a month will work great to keep a man’s “plumbing” healthy, but its really not enough to reset the testosterone buildup to zero. For example, my husband rarely gets to cum, so his “gas tank (scrotum)” doesn’t really get fully emptied with one orgasm. The tank goes from “full to ½” full.” In order to fully empty it, he would need another two or three orgasms to bring his, “horniness level to zero.” (that’s NEVER going to happen in my house). He never gets a full “reset.” He just gets to start the “hamster wheel” again, as the wheel is already spinning. (so sad….insert frowning emoji here)
Birthday, Holidays and Vacations:
Remember what I told you about not being predictable. Don’t be! Father’s Day doesn’t mean he get to orgasm. Maybe he does. DON’T BE PREDICTABLE. You have NO obligations and NO requirements. Just so you know, I’m an OUTSTANDING wife, and I typically will cater to his fetishes during these times, but it doesn’t mean it ends with a “happy ending.” Why should I ruin my fun?
We just went on a 10 day Alaskan cruise with two other couples. The night before the cruise, while we were packing, he told me (per our protocol) that he had reached three weeks without an orgasm. We kept on packing. We departed for the cruise the next day. EVERY night we did something sexual together! (its vacation, what else do you do?) Six days into the cruise he tells me, (per our protocol) another week had passed. (if you are counting that’s 28 days total) I don’t think I’d EVER seen his balls so full and swollen. That whole cruise I indulged him in every fetish he had! The ten day cruise ended and the key to his chastity cage never came out of my purse, the entire trip.
A couple of days later he was getting ready for his first day back to work after vacation. I will still finishing my tea when he got out of the shower. As he was drying off, I told him to go grab my purse and bring it to me. I unlocked his chastity cage and told him, if he could cum in 15 seconds he could have an orgasm. I held my almost empty teacup in one hand, and started jacking him off with the other while he stood in front of me. He came in damn near half the time! I handed him the teacup and he finished my tea, mixed with a TON of his cum. I told him to go clean the cup and get to work. (I violated my own rule here because normally he would have to massage me for an hour, but he had to go to work. I’m allowed to break the rules). The point of this story is to be unpredictable.
I’m sure he was hoping for an orgasm every night on the cruise. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Father’s Days and vacations are just days in the denial calendar!
Honorifics
If you go to a school and talk with the principle, you don’t want into her office and call her “Jane.” You call her Mrs. Spears. If you are talking to a judge you refer to her as, “Your Honor.” You don’t call “Captain Ford,” Amy.
Both our kids were in travel soccer for years (hence the name of my blog). We had “Coach Tom,” for several seasons. No one ever called him “Tom.” (I still LOVE thinking about how “Coach Tom” liked to spend our soccer dues eating out at Texas De Brazil on team trips! {insert sarcasm here} What the FUCK was wrong with Outback? Sorry, it’s still a sore subject. But I digress.)
These are all positions of respect. (maybe not Coach Tom).
Your husband needs to speak to you with MORE RESPECT than you speak to a damn overpriced soccer coach. (my bitterness is starting to show)
In private, my husband calls me “Miss” or “Ma’am.” Remember what I told you about this is all mental. Miss or Ma’am is an instant sign of respect. In public, he always calls me “Sweetheart.” He is never allowed to call me by my name. He can use my name when he is talking “about me” such as, “Jen and I want to know if you want to go ax throwing with us on Friday night?” The dynamic goes on autopilot once you establish the protocols.
Positions:
Lets take a look at militaries around the world. They all have one thing in common, in that they all use positioning as a sign of RESPECT and AUTHORITY. In boot camp, Cadets are forced to stand at attention for so many hours, that it’s not uncommon for some of them to pass out. It’s an exercise in respect and improves their mental will power. Watch the President, walk into the White House. All the soldiers are standing at attention when he is nearby. If the President walks into a room, everyone stands until he tells them to sit.
It’s not just in the military, go to the Vatican and you will “bow down.” “All rise,” watch an episode of Judge Judy and everyone is required to stand when she enters the room. Watch a Romantic Comedy, and see the proper etiquette when a man stands when a women joins them in a room.
You can see why “positions” are VERY common in Female Led Relationships. I have friends that make their submissives, memorize and perfect more than a dozen positions. That’s not really my cup of tea, as I’m not big on “Pomp and Circumstance,” but I do have a few positions my husband is required to know and I use them all at different times, for different reasons:
Kneel:
We could be both sitting on the sofa talking over a glass of wine and out of the blue I will tell him to “kneel.” I do it because I can, and “why not.” Sometimes I tell him to “kneel” while I’m giving him a list of things I want him to do for me that day.
Wait in Service:
I make him “Wait in Service” when I want a relaxing bath and want him quietly waiting and ready, just on the slight chance I might need a nail file.
Stand:
(In public, he can be more relaxed). I will tell him to “stand here” when I want him to remain in the same spot until I tell him otherwise. I just used this position this afternoon at the Outlet Mall. Preferably, I like to shop with my girlfriends or alone, but I often make him go shopping with me “for fun”. I do this because I know he HATES shopping, I also want him to carry my bags and to just exert my dominance on him. We walked into H&M and I told him to “stand here,” as we were walking in. He stood in the same spot, no iPhone allowed, just him patiently waiting and holding my “Zara” bag, while I walked around the store for about 45 minutes. It makes shopping with him a lot more fun, and the best part is he’s providing me a SERVICE by holding all my bags! Next stop, Sephora. I’m always looking for ways to play mind games with him to show him who’s in charge.
In Position:
He gets “In Position” when I’m going to beat him or fuck him with my strap on. A new idea popped into my head as I was typing this out. I think I’m going to teach him to “roll over,” because its funny and I cant stop laughing thinking about it! (Kidding…..but not kidding) I think I’m going to make him do this when I need a laugh.
Tools of the trade:
A nurse doesn’t go to work without a stethoscope, comfortable walking shoes and a watch. A construction worker needs a wrench, screwdriver and hammer. Every Domme needs some common tools of the trade. I have a lot of toys in my closet. I mean a lot. We’ve been collecting them forever, but here are some BASIC items that every Domme should have in her arsenal:
1. Crop, flogger, paddle, and cane.
I talked about these in the punishment section. Have a variety so you can deliver different levels of pain when needed.
Have I mentioned that you should own a cane? Here is a link to an inexpensive beginner one (get the shorter one).
2. Nipple Clamps
Get good, adjustable ones that HURT. Clothespins are for dress up and roll play. You are going to cause him pain and these will force him to work on his pain tolerance.
3. Spreader Bar and Handcuff.
Sometimes you need to make sure he cant move his hands and legs.
4. Butt plugs.
Serves a lot of purposes. You will primarily use this to “build him up” for larger dildos. If the two of you are running short on time to play, a quick, “I want you to go put a plug in before we go to Sam’s Club and leave it in until bedtime,” does WONDERS for your Female Led Relationship. (remember, not any real work for you, but he will secretly know his place ALL AFTERNOON)
5. Strapon with Dildos.
It’s high up on the humiliation and emasculation roadmap. A man being fucked in the ass knows his place from the moment it starts. You will have a power rush once you learn how to fuck a man in the ass but it takes some practice and buildup. Don’t start with an 8 inch phallus for his first time!
6. Humbler
It’s not comfortable. Forces him on his knees and keeps his “jewels” exposed. If you have some time to yourselves on a Sunday afternoon, lock him in one and make his finish the laundry and do the dishes. It’s hysterical!
You could get by for 30 years with only these items. (but where’s the fun in that?)
Safe Words:
In any Femdom relationship, it is paramount that the two of you have a safe word. A safe word will immediately stop everything! Remember, the relationship is consensual. Our safe word is, “Jennifer.” (my husband doesn’t use my name). Robbie has used his safe word once in the entire time we’ve been married. A group of us were tubing in a river and the water was COLD. Somehow, the “shrivel factor” caused one of his testicles to slip from behind the ring of his chastity cage and it “escaped” from behind the ring. He ended up with the ring of the cage basically separating his balls. This can cause pain because one of his balls was now pressed against the metal of the shaft.
He whispered in my ear, “Jennifer I need the key, I have a problem I need to take care of.” I gave him the key and he went to the bathroom and took it off. Later that night, once his balls grew back to size, I asked him if everything was back to normal and he said “yes.” I then told him to go lock himself back up.
When we set up the safe word, I made it clear that my expectations were that its only used in emergencies. That was an emergency. I told him I didn’t expect him to use a safe word to stop pain or discipline because it hurt. If I’m hitting him with my cane because he misbehaved, we stop when I’m finished! I’m trying to make it hurt! If I put nipple clamps on the head of his penis and he’s jumping around like a game of hop scotch, using a safe word to “stop the pain” is going to cause us some problems. He signed up for discipline and you have the right to administer it. Remember this with safe words, use them when “something isn’t right.”
WE HAVE REACHED A CRITICAL POINT OF DOMME SCHOOL.
You have reached an important point in “Domme School” ands it’s my professional opinion, that you need to make a decision about moving forward. This portion may be the most important few minutes of the entire blog because I am going to tell you some things that you need to hear! As a psychologist, one of the things we are taught is to, “break things down” to the simplest format possible. I’m going to tell you about “Femdomville” as a way to make it easy for you to understand.
Many, many years ago when your husband was 18 years old (or maybe even younger) he began his long, secret journey towards “Femdomville, Italy.” “Femdomville is a secret, small little town, just outside of Rome. At the time, he was working at Arby’s and living in an apartment in San Diego with a couple of roommates. One day, he decided to start walking (also known as secretly looking at Playboy Magazine) towards “Femdomville.” Once he got a few miles from his house, he thought to himself, a bicycle would be a way more efficient way to travel! He then started riding an old, junky bicycle (also known as secretly watching Porn on Cinemax at around midnight). He rode that junky bicycle all the way to Phoenix. In Phoenix, he bought a shiny, brand-new bicycle (also known as secretly watching Internet Porn).
He rode that new bicycle all the way to St. Louis. While in St. Louis, he stayed the night at the Hampton Inn. While at the Hampton Inn he met you, at the hotel bar and the two of you hit it off and exchanged numbers! (I would have used the Four Seasons for this example because I think you’re a Four Seasons girl, but no one is riding a fucking bicycle to the Four Seasons, so Hampton Inn it is!) The two of you talked every day and fell in love. The entire time the two of you were building a relationship, he was still riding his bicycle (secretly watching internet porn) towards Femdomville!
While riding across the country (also known as masturbating every day of his life) he kept thinking to himself, he should tell you about the secret Town of Femdomville! One day he realized he would be much happier in Femdomville, WITH YOU! The problem is, Femdomville is a secret place, far away in Italy, that you don’t know about. And you live in St. Louis. He’s embarrassed and ashamed to tell you about Femdomville because it’s been a secret for most of his life.
When he arrives in Atlanta, he’s tired of riding his bicycle alone, so he decides to start dropping hints for you. He hopes you will catch on, so he won’t have to tell you his secret, and you will “magically” be the Mayor of Femdomville. It looks like this, hey honey, “what do you think about this crazy movie called, “50 Shades of…something……..ummmm…… I think it’s…blue….no…. I think its grey. “That’s it, 50 Shades of Grey” (You know, that movie he suddenly can’t recall the name of, that he has watched three times, before he even mentioned it to you!)
Eventually he arrives in Miami and parks his bicycle on the beach. He’s looking at the ocean and realizes, he can’t ride his bicycle across the ocean. But by this point, it’s “Femdomville or bust”! He has decided he is Michael Phelps and he is determined to swim across the Atlantic and make it to Femdomville. Before he jumps in the water, he makes a decision to subtlety tell you about Femdomville. He tells you, “you should read this crazy blog called “soccermom2mistress,” I heard about it while listening to a fantasy baseball podcast, and they were joking about it! Newsflash, if he told you something like that, ITS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! The only way he found my blog was from either searching Femdom blogs on the internet, or he is listening to Femdom podcasts. THAT’S IT! He didn’t just “stumble across” my podcast interview. He found it on his bicycle ride to Femdomville.
He tells you about Femdomville right as he jumps into the ocean and starts swimming. He desperately wants you to join him in Femdomville and keeps looking back to see if you’re coming with him. YOU have to decide if you are going to Femdomville with him. Regardless of what YOU decide, HE IS GOING TO GET TO FEMDOMVILLE, with or without you. Femdomville has a VERY POWERFUL magnet and he is made of solid metal.
By now, you have read enough of my blog to make a decision if Femdomville is for you. If you want to join him in Femdomville, you have to realize that he is already swimming in the Atlantic, and you are still in St. Louis. You can choose to start walking towards Femdomville now, but you are NEVER going to catch up with him by walking. If it takes you six weeks to read this blog, you are only walking, when you should be on a plane. If you finish my blog and only, “dabble here and there,” you basically rode your own bicycle towards Denver and got off the bike. (If you‘re like me, you might not realize that Denver is in the wrong direction)
If you do that, not only will you never catch up to him, but it will solidify his thought process that he never should have told you about Femdomville in the first place. Remember, he is always going to be insecure about the secret town of Femdomville. You are probably the only person he has talked with about Femdomville. Remember when I told you that there are 26 million hits on Google for Professional Dominatrixes. This is because they don’t just know where Femdomville is located, they know the best restaurants and shortcuts to get around town.
If you want to join your husband in Femdomville, you still have plenty of time to catch up to him! You can even be the Queen of Femdomville! I can get you on a nonstop flight from St Louis to London, and you will be there before your husband gets out of the water, and you both can ride your bikes all the way to Femdomville TOGETHER.
Don’t let nervousness impact your decision. It’s just like public speaking. EVERYONE is nervous the first time they do it, because it takes time to get comfortable.
What if you have decided that Femdomville is not for you. There is nothing wrong with that decision! There could be a million and one reasons why it’s not for you. Honestly, that is a better decision than ‘dabling” here and there, or saying, “yes I’m interested”, but letting your actions show otherwise.
If you have been “shocked” about the things I’ve discussed up until now, Femdomville might not be for you. Were only going to get more in-depth from this point on.
If it’s not for you, then you NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION with your husband and tell him this! Let me say this louder for the ladies in the back! If Femdomville is not for you, then you NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION with your husband and tell him this! Maybe the alternative is, he goes to Femdomville by himself once a month, by visiting a Professional Dominatrix. It’s not a perfect solution, but it may be a fix if its not something you want to be apart of.
If you have decided that Femdom is not for you, I recommend you stop reading my blog at this point.
Now lets get back to Domme School!
Ok Ladies, Let’s get you on a plane to Femdomville because its a WONDERFUL place! In a few years, I’m confident you will actually enjoy Femdomville MORE than he does, because the entire town revolves around YOU!
Let’s talk about Fetishes!
Fetishes to submissive men are like fake eye lashes and silicone are to the Kardashians. In other words, you don’t have one without the other. The question you have to answer is, are you going to take part in your husband’s fetishes? You can be a Domme and never partake in any of your husbands’ fetishes, however; the problem arises in the fact you may never be, “closing to loop” and satisfying his “fix.”
I’m not a fetish dispenser, but I love my husband more than anything and I want to make him happy. 80% of the domination most men need, can be taken care of by implementing the things you have read about up until now. The other 20%, or should I say fetishes, are just “icing on the cake,” and how I reward him with “treats.” (Here I go with my dog training again)
Remember I told you that orgasms ARE NOT a reward, and I treat them as a necessary evil. Husbands and puppies are motivated by “treats.” My husband gets a treat when I let him enjoy one of his fetishes.
If you’re comfortable with the act, then it’s a great way for you to make him very happy and show him you are pleased, and it increases his motivation to please and serve you further. If you are not comfortable with the fetish, DO NOT DO IT. Read this again. If you are not comfortable with the fetish, DO NOT DO IT. With that being said, maybe you’re not comfortable with it today, but in a year or two, maybe you will become more open to the idea.
I’m going to list the most common fetishes submissive men have. Most men WILL NOT TELL you this, because they are ashamed and embarrassed. This is why they go find sex workers or Pro Dommes, because they never have to see them again and can minimize their level of shame, and get their “fix” at the same time.
How sad is this, men are more comfortable telling a sex worker their fetishes than their owns wives. Personally, I want to make sure I’m the only one who satisfies my husband’s sexual needs, fetishes and desires!
I want my husband to share EVERYTHING with me. He may have some crazy fetishes, but I want him to be open and share them all with me. IT’S FANTACY! This is trust and connection most couples never experience. You should both be sharing fantasies and fetishes with each other. As long as it’s legal and consensual, I am going to try to make fantasy come to reality, in most cases. If its something that I can’t facilitate (like him being kidnapped and held for life as a sex slave, for example) you can bet your ass I’m going to be whispering it into his ear when I want him to get aroused.
Recently, Cosmopolitan Magazine listed the top 55 fetishes men have. Here is the full article if you would like to read it…https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a24481923/kinks-fetish-list/
I took Cosmo’s list and reduced it down to the top 15 fetishes, most submissives men will have. I’m confident your husband has more than these, and I will GUARANTEE you, these 15 are somewhere in his mind. The blue text is what I directly cut and pasted from the Cosmo article. The red text, is my experiences and thoughts on the fetish. They are in no particular order. (And by the way, If Cosmo say’s you’re fat, I’m not down with that!)
Facesitting
Submissive males want to be commanded to perform oral sex on women and love being smothered by their dominant. Basically it boils down to the woman being in a position of power and he is under her. Rest your ass right on his mouth! He will find a way to breath. And you don’t need to support your weight!
Pegging
A very popular kink for submissive men is pegging, where she wears a dildo, in a strap-on harness, and penetrates him anally. Men are expected to, “do the fucking.” A man being fucked is inherently a submissive act. Think about all the jokes about, “taking it in the ass.” Fucking a man in the ass is a psychological masterpiece! Make him tell you how good it feels! When you tie this to orgasm denial, the massage to his prostate feels good to a man that hasn’t cum in a month!
Cock and Ball Torture (CBT)
Cock and ball torture is sometimes called cock and ball play, or CBT. It can be “lite” and involve sensation play on the “cock and balls”, or CBT can involve flogging and spanking, hot wax, or crushing and clamping. It can even involve weights and stretching, needle play or piercing, cock cages, urethral sounding, or electric-stimulation. I don’t do any of the more extreme stuff. I’m still not comfortable with needles and electricity. I do love using clamps on the head of his sensitive little penis to make him squeal.
Foot Worship
Extremely common among men is the foot fetish. Foot worship involves looking at her feet, smelling them, touching them, using your body as a foot rest, pampering her tired feet, performing pedicures, washing her feet, massaging her feet, licking her feet or shoes, and so on. I think this is all men in general. With a submissive man, make it dirty! I will go on a five mile hike in the summer and come home and put my dirty, sweaty toes in his mouth and make him clean my feet. When he’s done, I will ball up my damp, sweaty socks and put them in his mouth and tell him to keep them here.
Clothed Female Naked Male
The CFNM or clothed female naked male is a power-exchange kink that has become hot. Because of its dynamic, it is popular with dominant women and submissive men, but the idea can be enjoyed by anyone. Basically, the male is totally naked, and she is totally clothed. This emphasizes a male sub’s vulnerability which is a huge turn on for many. We do this a lot. He’s always naked or in feminine clothing around the house. Makes him feel vulnerable. When our kids were still living with us, and we were home together alone in the mornings, I would be dressed and he would always be naked. Takes ZERO effort on my part and very effective. Later, I talk about parties and events in FLR401, go to a CFnm party! They are a blast!
Feminization
This is also known as “sissification” or “forced fem.” It is a sexual interest in the reversal of gender roles, where a man, takes on a feminine role. This can involve activities like cross-dressing, adopting feminine mannerisms, and engaging in activities typically associated with women, often for sexual pleasure and humiliation. This also correlates with Emasculation. When we have time, such as when were on vacation, he is going to be my little dress up doll. I will have him wear a bra, panties, stockings and I will paint his toenails. Add some bright red lipstick and a skirt and he is INSTANTLY humiliated. I don’t stop there! I will grab a dildo, suction it to a wall, and tell him to practice his blow job skills. As he sucking the dildo, I tell him more lips and less teeth and make him work on his gag reflex. The lips stick marks and drool are hilarious. I even tell him that one day he may be doing it on a real one. After years of practice, he can now deep throat a seven inch dildo without gaging. Practice makes perfect! Winning!
Watersports
A relatively popular fetish with men and women, watersports are also known as golden showers. This kink involves playing with pee, drinking someone’s pee, being peed on or peeing on another person. Anyone fancy a nice glass of warm lemonade? This is like Tuesday for us. Honestly I’ve peed in his mouth so many times over the years that I had to Google new ways to spice this activity up. Thanks to my “Domme Sisters” on Google, I learned a new way and I tied it to his last orgasm. That morning, I told him I wanted asparagus for dinner. (you already know where this is going) That night, I told him to go grab me a large bowl and kneel on the bathroom floor. I filled up the bowl with pee and the smell was strong. I then told him, “it’s time!” I gave him 30 seconds to cum into the bowl while I jacked him off. HE WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD and came in less than 10 seconds.
And then the reality hit him! Watching him trying to work up the mental willpower to drink it was something else. “What happened……you were so excited about this a minute ago?” Since I’m such a helpful wife, I told him he had two minutes to finish it, or I was going to cane him right then, and regardless he would be finishing it before bed. (He know damn well I wasn’t playing) That’s all it took, and he drank it all. Again it’s all mental.
Cuckolding
This is very popular in Female Led Relationships where the submissive is committed and monogamous with his wife however the wife has the right to have sex with others. Typically, you will hear the term “bull” referring to the wife’s boyfriend. (That’s all Cosmo said on this topic? Seriously?) I can confirm that its very popular in Female Led Relationships. When I first learned of this fetish, even I got caught up in the “social conditioning” process of “there was no way this would turn my husband on.” When I examined the power it gave the woman, the denial and humiliation it fed to the man, it then made perfect since. Once I got comfortable with it, it became one of my favorite benefits of our relationship. I’m a 53 year old happily married woman, who gets the one “cool benefit” of being single, with none of the bullshit, and I have the security and love of being very happily married.
The first time I cucked him I actually “faked it” because I wasn’t sure how he would take it. I went on a four day trip to Vegas for a work conference, you know, Party Town USA! Before I left I told my husband to buy me a box of condoms (unsure if I would be using them, but he didn’t know that). His nervous, shy and embarrassed energy was off the charts and his mind was going crazy! On my first night in Vegas, I met some guys dancing and they invited me to their table. Fast forward three hours and two bottles later, and the hot 30 year old guy from Tennessee and I are dancing and feeling each other up like teenagers. (he stuck his hand up my skirt inside the nightclub and I can also attest that he was about 6 inches erect and thick).
The night ended and the only thing open is some hard to find pizza joint, with no sign, and a ridiculous line. We ate the pizza and I was tired (I’m old). He’s trying to get me to go up to his room with him. (he was so hot, awesome body and could dance great, so I figured he should have some good stamina and moves in bed). I told him I needed to go to the restroom and would be right back. I walked to the restroom and then ducked into an elevator and went up to my room. My nerves got the best of me and I just ghosted him!
I went to my room and had the HARDEST orgasm IN MY LIFE, fantasizing about the guy still waiting for me downstairs! When I woke up the next morning, I wanted to see my husbands reaction if I had fucked the guy. (basically It gave me an out, if he flipped out for some reason)
I opened up one of the condoms and threw it in the trash and took a picture. I then sent him this text:
(Take a look at the Emoji’s I used!!! Love it!)
When I got back home, my husband was like a puppy dog following me around. “Tell me about your trip” had a whole new meaning. That was the moment I realized just how powerful a drug Denial and Humiliation is! My husband’s not alone, IT’S IN COSMO FOR A REASON!
That was a lot of years ago, and I’m still pissed at myself for not fucking that guy. But don’t worry, I have made up for it! I’m not out looking for a “bull” and I prefer one night stands to keep it simple. I have the freedom, if the opportunity strikes, and I want to hook up with another guy, I can! My husband is terrible at fucking, but every so often, I’m able to find a guy to grab my hair, be rough with me, and fuck my brains out! This is why I cut my husband off, because I knew it would add to the denial and humiliation! If you want to take your game to another level, whisper in his ear and ask him, “how does it make you feel that I fuck other guys and your not allowed to fuck me?” The best part about all this is, my husband is going to love me MORE for it! Play with his mind!
I HIGHLY recommend all women listen to, “The Venus Cuckoldress Podcast” (even if you chose not to indulge in this fetish) because she does some outstanding interviews, with numerous Dommes in Female Led Relationships and you will learn something new!
https://www.venuscuckoldress.com/the-podcast
Small Penis Humiliation
Some submissive guys get off on penis mockery. Most guys into small penis humiliation don’t have a particularly small penises but get excited when their femdom makes fun of his penis size, virility, and ability to satisfy. It’s another exciting tool in the psychological repertoire of BDSM. “Is your little guy getting smaller from being locked up so much?” “ohhhh, it looks so cute in your floral panties.” “Do I need to say anymore?
Rimming
This is the oral act of stimulating the anus. It may involve kissing, sucking, or licking in and around the anus and perineum of your partner. It’s basically only a fetish because “it’s taboo.” Once you learn to relax and give him some direction (deeper, swirl your tongue) it feels good to lay there while he licks away. Connect this with “face sitting” and you just won the World Series. It doesn’t get more submissive than licking your Domme’s ass. (maybe that’s a lie, I can think of a dozen more submissive and humiliating things, wink-wink)
Bondage
This is the practice of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. A partner may be physically restrained in a variety of ways, including the use of rope, cuffs, bondage tape, or self-adhering bandage. I don’t go all out on this because it’s a lot of work for me. I will use handcuffs and a spreader bar to make sure he can’t stop me from the things I’m going to due to him. My friend turned her kids room into a full blown dungeon, the minute the kid moved out. She now has a cage she puts him in, a St Andrews Cross, and every piece of bondage equipment you can imagine. I’m not that into all that equipment, but “too each their own.” I still cant stop laughing at the thought of when people are over at their house for Thanksgiving dinner and “Michael” asking,”Mom, why is there a lock on my room now?”
Scent
A scent fetish is a sexual attraction to natural body odors. That could mean armpits, feet, groins, worn underwear, or even unwashed hair — but armpits are by far the most fetishized. The allure? It’s not just the smell — it’s what the smell represents. Rawness. Authenticity. A part of someone you can’t curate or control. Pheromones are powerful. I can drive my husband wild from my body odor. If I want to give him a “treat” I will walk into the house from the gym, go lay on the bed and tell him to bury his face in my sweaty ass. When I’m ready, I roll over and tell him to give me an orgasm. When I’m done, I tell him to make sure he washes the sheets. (I just got into my bed all sweaty, and who wants to sleep in that?)
“It’s Icky” or “Taboo.”
Something that you may find gross is a sexual turn on when aroused. This can range from licking your partners sweaty feet, to having your partner spit into your mouth or having to eat food you chewed up and spit out on the dirty floor. The dirtier and “ickier” the better! Again, Google is your friend here! Tie it in to all the other fetishes.
Menstrual
Period sex is exactly what it sounds like — the desire to have sex while someone is on their period. While it’s a common occurrence for many sexually active couples where one or both partners are menstruating, for some folks, sex while a woman is on their period is actually the source of arousal. This isn’t a thing for us anymore due to menopause, but I laugh at how far we came with this fetish! Flashback to 1999 and I would walk into another room so my husband wouldn’t hear me fart. A few years later and I was making him carry a new tampon in his pocket the entire week I was on my period, just on the “slight chance” I might need an extra one. Twenty years later and I would call him into the bathroom and have him, “kneel in service” in front of me while I change my “Super Plus” tampon. I would then tell him to open up and I stuff it in his mouth and tell him he can only open his mouth when its clean. And the funnier part is, he knows to wrap it in toilet paper before he throws it in the trash. Like I said, things evolve over time. Remember when I told you about his penis always dripping semen because he is so denied. I would wake up and call him into the bathroom and pull off my overnight maxi pad and hand it to him and tell him to wear it all day! All day he would be wearing my used pad, getting more and more turned on, at the same time worried that someone may see the outline of it. He once had the nerve to tell me he was worried the blood may leak onto his shorts. That put an instant smile on my face!
Used Undergarments
May be the most popular fetish with all men, and often tied to pheromones, a pair of worn panties or a sweaty bra, can be extremely arousing to a man. Do I really need to go into detail with this? EVERY man has smelled a panty gusset. If they say they haven’t, guess what, THEY’RE LYING!
Email From Reader:
A few months after I published “Domme School,” I received an email from a wife who told me how, she asked her husband about my fantasy list. She said her husband told her, “A lot of those things didn’t turn him on.” She slightly insinuated that I didn’t know what I was talking about. It kind of hit a nerve with me. You’re reading MY BLOG because you probably don’t know much about Femdom, but then send me an email telling me what, “doesn’t apply to your husband.”
So first off, I gave everyone a disclaimer that these would apply to MOST submissive men. Secondly, the answer he gave her was absolute BULLSHIT! Remember I’m a psychologist! “A lot of those things” is a very vague, non-answer. If you have doubts, edge him for two weeks and then ask him, while he’s masturbating! Go line by line and see what he says. Don’t ask him if you don’t want the answer! Lastly, go back and read the section on men being ashamed and getting their “fix” from a Professional Dominatrix. Ok, time to get off my soapbox and calm down and have a glass of wine.
Moving on from Fetishes…Let’s Ask For Permission:
This is simple. Decide what things you want him to ask for permission. It could be as easy as, when your husband says, “I’m going to make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner” a quick reply of, “are you asking or telling me,” instantly sends a message. I bet you he will follow up with, “would you like me to make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner?” Simply use, “Are you asking or telling me” anytime you want to take control and have him ask permission.
The Art of Forcing:
Remember how I told you men have been hiding this part of their identity since early adolescence because of shame and social conditioning. This is why “forcing” is such a powerful tool in the arsenal. Deep down (ok, maybe not that deep, its more like “millimeters”) men want to be forced. Remember the asparagus pee bowl example. I could tell the moment he orgasmed, by the way he was looking at the bowl, he would have done ANYTHING not to have drank it (and it was a lot). But guess what, I forced him to drink it!
Remember the video you watched from “Miss Helena” where her husband was on the bathroom floor and she had him restrained. All the things that were so sexually exciting two seconds before orgasm instantly become gross and hard to do. She forced the act by having him restrained and forcing his mouth open with an, “O gag.” There was nothing he could do to stop her as she emptied her bladder into his mouth after he came. The thing with forcing a submissive to do something is, they will replay the act in their minds forever, after it happens. REMEMBER, men pay a lot of money to Pro Dommes to be FORCED to do things!
It’s time to move on to the next lesson! Click on the below link for, “FLR 401-It’s Almost Time To Graduate”